Well all have “one of those days” every now & then…
Ξ July 29th, 2008 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Just For Me, VINTAGE FAVORITES |
THIS IS A COPY OF A NOTE i SAT AND WROTE TO MY HUSBAND TODAY, AS I WAS RECOVERING FROM MY MORNING ADVENTURES…. OUR LIVES ARE SO BLESSED THAT I CAN SIT AND WRITE AND LAUGH AT MYSELF AND NOT MIND ONE BIT SHARING MY DAY WITH EVERYONE ELSE…. AND ALL THIS BEFORE NOON.
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How goes your day?, mine is as follows, feel free to share this with anyone who complains they are having a boring uneventful day.
I am not having a good day. I am going to blame it all on *@*@*@* with his WTF wake up call this morning at the butt crack of dawn.
I could not go back to sleep, but that was ok,
So I got up and got Victoria up and to school. Then I came home and decided to mow the yard before Lyndon got home. But I had no gas, in my mower or in yours….
So I gathered both cans up and carried them out, going through the garage doorway I made sure I only lifted it up SLOWLY so it did not bang all the way up, and I left it down just a little cause you said I should not let it go all the way up, or it gets sticky and doesn’t want to roll down.
So I came back and mowed the front yard, but the wind was blowing and it blew the back blow of the dirt and mowed grass into my eyes. I feel my way back to the porch, hoping no one steals the lawnmower while I am inside.
So I went inside and washed that out and finished mowing the front, and then mowed the back small yard and ran into a big ass spider web built between the branches of the fallen tree I was trying to mow under.
So I ran around the back yard squealing and waving my arms smacking myself in the head until I was assured that if it was still there it was squished enough that it would not be able to bite me (or crawl in my ear).
So then as I continued to mow… ever so slowly a little forward a little backward, I worked my way over to the area where the air conditioner is… and hidden completely by the seaweed grass we have which grows above ground and over everything else was an L shaped piece of broken concrete …. and guess what? I ran over it and it got stuck up under.
So I tried to pull it out, it no budgie. . . I tried to kick it out. . .it no budgie. I go and find a prybar bangy thing and beat on it till it chips and then it loosens just a smidgen and I fight wiggling it back and forth and back and forth, scraping my knuckles and eventually it comes out.
So I go back to mowing, and it cuts like it should but every so often it makes a loud banging noise for no reason. With my brilliant powers of detection I determine … the blade must be bent. UUUUGGGH.
So I go get your lawn mower, it has no gas. So I figure I will fill it up too, I did not figure on getting into the light so that I could see as it began to be full, instead I opted to stay in the shadow and pour gas all over my dog shit covered shoes. Which will come in handy later when I burn them, but right now, it was frustrating.
So I tried to get yours to crank, and I couldn’t get it to go. GRRRR. Ok, fine, I will go get a new unbent blade for mine. I change out of my gas soaked shoes in the drive way and go to get my good shoes out of the house and my sock snags on the brick steps somehow and tears a hole in my sock, and I nearly bust my ass going up the steps.
So I get my shoes on and load the lawnmower, taking a moment to be thankful I didn’t somehow cut off three fingers or cause a spinal injury putting it into the truck, and I drive it around to the guy next to the Frozen Egg Store and he looks at it and says “Yes’m you done bent up yo’ blade thar, but I reckon I got one up in here for ya” He changes the blade and puts on a brand new one.
So I pay him the 15 for the new blade and putting it on and he cranks it up mowing a bit of the grass there, hooray, no more banging noise!!!! But before turning it off and putting it in the truck he looks at me, drags it backwards over to a line he has some clamps on and says “cmere” . He puts the clamp on to hold the bar up to keep it running and then lets go of it.
So we stand there looking as the lawnmower kinda does this thing that looks like a cross between the hokey poking turn it all about and the skip of a two step. It turns itself in a circle with a vibra-hopping motion.
So he says, “Yo mower is vibrating cause ya done bent yo’ shaft a little bit too”. I let out a deep sigh and says “well dayum”
So I make sure it is ok to finish mowing with it like that, and he says “Yeah, it be ok as long as you can stand the vibratin” The guy what owns the place is not there at the moment and he is the only one that can do the “unbend magic” it is that capable of straightening the slight kinds of bends. And he “ain’t sho how much it’ll be cause I ain’t the one whut does ‘em”
So I load it up and come home and wait for the Unbend Wizard to call me back about how much it will be to do the shaft magic. I unload the lawnmower and put it in the back yard and get ready to start mowing when I realize I still have my good shoes still on.
So I go all the way back towards the front of the house to get my gas soaked dogshit crusted shoes on and as I am trying to get two hyper bouncing waiting to get fed couple of big ass dogs out from around me, I slam right into that little bit of garage door that I had left hanging down. The impact cause the garage door to go all the way up as the weight on the lift slams all the way down and I damn near hit the floor myself.
So I am sitting here through my blurred vision from the concussion with my greasy petroleum product and grime covered fingers waiting for the courage to return to the back yard to come down from the stars still floating around my head.
And off I go.
I love you, if I am not in the house when you get home, please come immediately to the back yard and rescue me…… if you cannot find me, watch for buzzards.


































