Almost a year has passed….
Ξ June 15th, 2010 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Family Fun |
I can hardly comprehend it…. a year… really? Well, 11 months is close enough to a year….
Last year at this time my oldest daughter, and her youngest child, had been living with us for 8 months… and she remained for another two before she moved out into living with my Mother-in-law, whom we also help support…. she reamined there for about 6 months before moving out and in with another loser man – whom used her, then left her a couple of months later….. she then went to stay with “friends” whom after a couple of months put her out as well, to the result of her going back to her last “baby daddy” and his family under the guise of me not being willing to help her and Hanna…. this was a lie (of course)…. and so after drama ensued over there ((as would be expected)) they (not she) called me to get her out of their home… and this occurred within the last week.
So during this past year I have had a LOT of drama, a few accomplishments, I have been laid off (twice) and have finally returned to my old department, which thrills me to no end because I do so love the people I work for and with. I helped Heather get her GED by driving her to school and attending classes with her to help encourage her to better herself… it was one of the conditions of her living with us that first time. She did accomplish that, and I am proud of her for sticking with it through the discouraging parts of the study work.
After my surgery, and returning to work for my totally awesome ex boss – Mtt Deakins – whom was a super great gentleman to work for (although maybe a bit too easily manipulated by his eager to please demeanor which lead him to being taken advantage of by selfish self centered people) I worked with him until the domestic division of his business closed and he was able to focus more on his international division…. and then I was transferred to another agents office which I was then laid off from 3 months later as he downsized through the tough parts of the economy… I enjoyed – ok, well I tolerated – being at home for 5 months before deciding that for my own sanity I needed to go back to work…. and I was blessed that my previous employer was waiting in the wings to welcome me back, so after several requests for my return – I finally just drove up and said “Here I am” and they took me in and I was on duty 4 days later.
While I was home I did a lot of projects around the house…. one of which I will be finishing up this week… It is a large project that has taken many many hours of laborious work to bring into fruition. Removing walls, repairs, stripping floors (by hand) scraping, wiping and sanding all by hand, all by myself… and over the next few days I will be finishing the floors by staining and sealing them…. then setting up all the furniture and decor which has been purchased over the last year to make the room complete. By the time my daughter Kat returns from her trip to spend a week at the lake house with some of her friends – her new room will be completed and ready with a surpising ‘welcome home’…
Lyndon and his Papa-Daddy are a constant now… once Daddy is home I no longer exist… such is the adoring bond between the two of them…. He is growing so fast now, intellectually I mean…. and coming up with some of the most off the wall junk you could imagine… His facial expressions are so comical and classic – for he truly speaks with his entire being…
I don’t think we are going to take a long vacation this year… because of other struggles we were not able to use our tax refund to secure something in advance, and so instead we will do a few 4 day weekenders across the local maps.. We have some summer fun planned for Itchetucknee ((I am sure that is spelled wrong)) Cumerland Island, A concert or two… Walter and Victoria will be going to the Star Wars convention, we will of course be going to see the Harry Potter World when it opens… beach trips and such as all that…. with my work schedule being what it is, it is easy to plan such minitrips without having to miss work or use vacation hours…
I have gotten older and fatter – the latter of which I had really hoped to not achieve.. but it is what it is. Also in the past year I have reconnected with many old friends and relatives through Facebook… It has been fantastically awesome to talk with the people that were once so very dear to me, or that fill memories of my life when I was young which I had long since forgotten… they are all pieces of the puzzle of the journey that brought me into being…
I want to start writing again, and hopefully I will be able to find not only the time, but the inspiration for topic to fill this site. I used to be able to sit down and pour myself into words easily, without effort or deliberation… It was a sense of freedom, of relief, of comfort that in some very difficult and dreary times kept my sanity from slipping away and helped me navigate through emotion and circumstance alike… But I fell away from it as it began to be utilized as a toll to ‘just relay information” or when it gradually became a study guide for others around me and seemed to provoke commentary, interpretation, or result in triggering defensive mechanisms in others…. and it became more of a burden and less of a relaxing dumping ground for my thought prcoesses…
It was of course a great source of entertainment at times for many, and a source of angst and agitation for others… I do often find it easier to expel a large amount of emotional mumbo jumbo in writing for the world to see – rather than trying to express those feelings verbally to someone that does not want to hear it, or doesn’t want to accept it, or simply wants to challenge or debate it…. Fuck a bunch of that… it is not what my writing is about…. my writing is about me and how I express how I feel AT THAT MOMENT…. If you didn’t realize I felt that way about something, maybe it’s because I did not WANT to talk to you about it, I just wanted to write about it and express myself that way…. It may offend some people, but it is what it is. I am not saying I am right or wrong. And I have nothing to hide, I wear my heart on my sleeve – I am imperfect… What I don’t need is someone using my writing against me to start arguements, or hold resentments…
There are many times I have written, and gone back a week later an readit with a “Did I do that?’ kind of expression… and I will erase it or delete it from being viewable… but I am not writing a novel to last the ages after being proofread, edited and saved for posterity… I am simply documenting my life and thoughts on things things my life endures which means, happiness, anger, struggle, joy, fear, sorrow, regret, pride, love, anguish, hope and som many other things… Life is not all positive, nor is it all negative. Never is one always right or wrong…
But it is interesting for the most part, isn’t it? And life itself is a very blessed thing.
